“Hell is other People”--Sartre

This is one of the most famous—and misunderstood—quotes of all time. Some have incorrectly interpreted Sartre to mean that hell is having to interact with other people all the time, having to deal with their rudeness, their idiosyncrasies, their inconsistencies, their desperations, not to mention, irrational emotions. That’s not it.

The “hell of other people” is periodically and consistently worrying about what other people think of us to such an extent that it reshapes who we are.

Our identity and how much we allow for our own sense of Agency becomes defined by the opinions of others—even when those opinions are never expressed or may not even be real.

We project what someone might be thinking of us based on our own insecurities to the degree that we resculpt ourselves to be what we think they want. That obsessiveness—based on what we think another is thinking—is “hell.”  I see it as the basis in society manifesting physically as… anxiety.

We all look to be part of a group as a means of validation, comfort, and safety. The groups we choose to cozy up to are often the most instinctually basic: race, gender, nationality, religion, political party—usually rooted in family. Many people are convinced that their group is the best because it’s the one they belong to, even though their membership is usually based on nothing more than coincidence of birth.

To remain under the protection of that group, we have to then agree with them, which often means persecuting other groups that are different or disagree.

“Hell is other people” when we become so dependent on opinions that we think others hold of us, that we spend our days desperately seeking—sometimes obsessing--of their approval.  We wear the “right” clothes, spout the “right” opinions, and make fun of outsiders.

Ironically, it is often the people who most loudly proclaim they don’t care what other people think that are the most enslaved to what other people think. That’s why they make the statement aloud in the first place: The hidden insecurity is that they care so much that we see them as independent thinkers. If they really didn’t care, they wouldn’t have said anything

There has to be a balance in which one chooses to belong to various groups—not because you were born into them, or your parents brainwashed you into them, and your fear of having a parent’s love depends on your acceptance of those groups—but because you’ve made a conscious decision after logically weighing the alternatives, to belong.

Then, and only then, can you use the group to strengthen and support your beliefs rather than change who you are to better fit in.  In this way, you strengthen your own authenticity.

If you move among groups or collectives without knowing how you feel as to your moral convictions and values, you lose that Authentic Self—the person you want to be—in the herd mentality.

Herd mentality gladly stomps out the individual that you might have been, or wanted to be, in exchange for the comfort of belonging to the group.

In this choice, and continued choice, you then spend the rest of life locked into a need to serve the group, replacing each of your original thoughts one by one, until your sense of self becomes swallowed up by the collective.  You feel automated.  And this is hell.

There has to be a balance in which we choose to belong to various groups, and then use a chosen group to strengthen and support one’s own specific personal beliefs and values, rather than simply adjusting or changing who we are to better fit in.

This is not easy.  Quite the contrary.  It takes courage to do so.  We are not “lead” to be independent thinkers.  To overcome “hell being other people” the real goal Sartre is identifying is the courage it takes to become your own person.

Life is a journey.